


Larry-oke 8: Christmas Crack!

by SRassier



Series: Larry-oke [8]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Humor, Larry-oke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:46:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25507684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier
Summary: It's Christmas at Hannigan's bar. Ugly Sweater party and Larry-oke? Hell yeah!
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s), Number Five | The Boy & Original Character(s)
Series: Larry-oke [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717192
Kudos: 16





	Larry-oke 8: Christmas Crack!

**Author's Note:**

> Song list if you like:
> 
> All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey  
> Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses  
> Last Christmas by Wham!  
> The Hanukkah Song by Adam Sandler  
> Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel  
> Baby It’s Cold Outside by Dean Martin  
> White Christmas by The Drifters  
> Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC  
> Santa Baby by Michael Buble

Larry snuck into the bar, glancing at the table reserved for the Hargreeves clan in the hopes that he would find it empty. The family was all there, but a glimmer of hope ran across his face as he got to the bar to grab his water as Number Five was no where to be seen. He let out a sigh as Stacy nodded to him and went to get his drink, but his relief was short lived as he heard a familiar voice behind him. “Hey Larry.”

Larry turned to find himself face to face with the man he was actively avoiding. “Five! What’s up?”  
“Just wondering if you were free tomorrow night. I was thinking we should start a series.” Five’s brow furrowed indicating that he was thinking, the type of knowledge that Larry did NOT wish to be privy too. “Diego says the Die Hards are good, but I was thinking maybe a horror franchise.” Larry’s mind immediately went to Friday the 13th and cringed at the thought of Five at his house for the next two weeks watching slasher films. His discomfort went unnoticed, as it always did, as Five finished, “I don’t really know, you decide.”

Larry had just been his normal, friendly self when he gave all the Hargreeves birthday gifts back in October. For the most part, he got a thanks and they moved on. Not Five. Once he got over his initial social awkwardness, he and Larry breezed through the time travel comedies he got him and moved on to other films. Five would literally watch anything, as he had never seen a movie before in his life. This made Larry happy as a movie fan, being able to introduce him to anything and everything with no complaints. If the time traveler didn’t like it, he simply said so and they moved on. 

Larry’s girlfriend, however, was not nearly as enthused at Larry’s new choice of companion. Whenever Five came over, she sat in the corner and stewed as Larry tried to balance being a good host as well as not getting dumped in the process. He had been dreading this conversation all week but knew if he didn’t do something before a 10-15 movie franchise started, he would have to move in with these weirdos as he would most definitely get kicked out of his apartment.

“I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about that…” Larry tried to find the right words that would help Five understand without getting Larry murdered. “You see, it’s my girlfriend.”  
“Tabitha?”  
“Yes. She uh…” Larry stammered. “You seem like the kind of guy who appreciates candor. You like it straight forward, no bull shit…”  
“Larry?”  
“Yes?”  
“You’re not doing the candor very well.”  
“Right.” Larry took a deep breath and simply laid it all out on the line. “My girlfriend thinks you’re creepy. She hates when you come over and the other night when you laughed hysterically all throughout American Psycho and told me that I tricked you into watching another comedy, she told me that you couldn’t watch movies at our place anymore. She thinks you may be a serial killer.”

Larry cringed and waited for Five’s response. The other man silently pondered what Larry just told him before simply looking him in the eyes and saying, “yeah, that tracks.”  
“You’re not mad?”  
“Well, I am a little insane. Living by yourself in a desolate wasteland for 45 years will do that to a person. I also know that I need to work on my,” Five held his hands up and did air quotes. “people skills.”  
“Sorry.” Larry added as genuinely as he could manage.  
“It’s alright. You’ll just have to come to our place.” Larry’s eyes widened and Five looked at his watch. “You better get going Larry, it’s almost 9 and you aren’t even set up yet.” He turned on his heels and headed back to his family’s table and Larry trudged up to the stage all the while wondering how hard it would be to get into the witness protection program.

At 9 on the dot, Larry was rushing to get the last of his things in order, he threw on his Santa hat and grabbed a mic. “Ho ho ho everyone!!…welcome to Hannigan’s bar and this is…” He held his mic out to the crowd and his regulars chanted back at him, “LARRY-OKE!!”  
“That’s right, it’s the last Saturday before Christmas and in case you hadn’t noticed, tonight is an ugly sweater party! You know the deal, there are books at a few of the tables, but if you don’t see something you want, let me know…I may just have a surprise up my sleeve for you!”

Larry knew just how to get a truly excellent Christmas karaoke started, and that was with Allison singing All I want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey. Anyone else, he may have ignored the cliché song choice, but Allison could sing, and he knew she’d kill it. As she came up to the stage, he couldn’t help but marvel at the fact that she even made an ugly Christmas sweater look damn good. As was predicted, she killed it and Larry moved on to the next song.

A few random spatterings of Christmas tunes later, and Larry saw Vanya’s name on a slip. For the first time it was not a song by or about lesbians, but it was a Christmas song that Larry had loved since the 80s. She strolled on stage with a confidence that had been building since back when the Hargreeves were just ‘the weirdos’ in Larry’s mind. In a matter of seconds, she had the bar jamming to the sound of Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses.

Larry decided to keep the 80’s vibe and brought Ben up (with Klaus’ assistance) to give a cheesy but decent version of Last Christmas by Wham! Ben was followed by a few regulars throwing in Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song and a group sing along of the Dreidel song for good measure.

Klaus and Anthony were next. Larry really enjoyed them as a couple. Normally he didn’t give two shits who dated who, but Anthony had been his friend for a long time and Klaus and he seemed to be polar opposites, but it worked. They got on stage with a little bit of difficulty due to the fact that they were wearing the same sweater. It was a large monstrosity with ‘Nice’ printed on the side Anthony was inhabiting, and ‘naughty’ on Klaus’ side. They looked like a two headed Christmas monster. They giggled through a sloppy drunk rendition of “Baby it’s Cold Outside’ before disappearing to parts unknown undoubtedly to take advantage of being stuck inside a sweater together.

When Luther approached the stage to sing White Christmas, Larry nearly spit water all over his console. His massive frame was sporting a sweater that even though he probably purchased the largest one possible, it was still tight on him. Larry’s mirth came from the image on the front of the sweater of a tiny elf body coming down from the neck hole making the already hulking man look even bigger by comparison. He either was in on the joke, or simply didn’t care because as he got into the Drifter’s holiday classic, Luther smiled ear to ear the whole time.

Diego wearing an ugly Christmas sweater was something that Larry had not expected. He figured it would be the same black leather outfit that the brooding Hargreeves sibling had come to be known for. Seeing Diego in a bright red and green sweater vest with white piping and a pom pom reindeer was a joy that Larry didn’t know he needed in his life. As he approached the stage, Larry gave him a thumbs up, “Awesome sweater!”  
“My Mom made it.” Diego said in a huff. “I couldn’t exactly turn her down.”  
Larry pushed play on Christmas in Hollis and as Diego rapped for the bar, he couldn’t help but smile and whisper to himself, ‘of course your mom made it.’

Larry looked down and saw Five’s selection and noticed it wasn’t one on Larry’s ‘guaranteed to get me laid’ song list. Thank goodness, maybe the kid had finally realized that meaningless one night stands were just that, meaningless. He called up his ‘friend’ and shook his head at the man wearing yet another tailor made suit in lieu of an ugly sweater. He did look good but if Larry was going to be friends with this guy, he had to help him loosen up. 

The jazzy music started to play and Five opened up with a smooth “Santa baby, slip a Rolex under the tree…for me.” He left the mic on the stand and worked the stage like he was Sinatra himself. Larry noticed a few women in the audience start to swoon and realized that just because Five deviated from his list doesn’t mean his mission has changed. At the end of the song, he saw Five wink at one of the women and with a tilt of his head, she was gathering her things and following him back to his table. What ever this guy had, Larry figured if he bottled it he would make a fortune.

As the night drew to a close and Larry packed up his things, Five walked up to him with the girl from the crowd on his arm. “Hey Larry?”  
“Yes Five?”  
“Could you maybe start putting me near the beginning?” Larry stopped what he was doing and gave Five a confused look. “You see, at this point, I’m just singing for one reason.” He looked at the woman and she simply smirked back at Larry, raising her eyebrows as if to say, ‘so what of it?’ “So if you would put me earlier, I can get the hell out of here and not have to listen to the rest of these morons try to sing. Plus, the earlier we get home…” He looked down at the woman clinging to him. “The more fun we can have.”  
She playfully slapped his arm, “You’re so bad.”

Larry watched dumbfounded as Five and the girl left. He stood staring after them until Allison broke his trance. “You’ve created a monster you know.”  
“Me!?”  
“Yeah, you and your list…” Larry tried to interrupt but as Luther helped her with her coat, she just shook her head. “real classy Larry.”  
Luther ushered Allison out and Larry was left wondering at what point was his life no longer his own, but simply an extension of the Hargreeves family insanity.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, comments and suggestions for future Larry-oke's (songs and guest singers) are welcome!!


End file.
